Commentary on poem 3
Monday, September 13, 2010 ‚óè 5:56 PM
(a) the theme that you are exploring in the poem(b) how you developed the theme in your poem
(c) the effect/s that you would like to achieve in the poem to impact your readers and how you went about doing it.
(d) the extent to which you think you have been successful
The theme that i am exploring in my poem is betting on a game with money. In life, it is very addictive. In the story, the character was an addict, she used a lot of ways to struck lottery , but was to no avail. It is a great problem in Singapore, people are spending lots of money on it.
I used poetic devices like metaphors, similes and personification on my poem, to bring out the effect of the theme. The poetic devices can help to exaggerate on the theme of the poem. I described Ah Boh's life as, " My life depended on the gambling table, the newspaper column announcing the results of races and draws." This shows that she cannot live without spending her money on buying lottery, her life is the same as some gamblers. They cannot quit it once they start, it will be very difficult to quit it.I described on how the household owner questioned her, "she was a police questioning a thief." The household owner was not happy, she was bothered that her helper was a spending money on lottery. Every family member in each family will not like if one of the family member gambles as they will not strike lottery every time and may lose a lot of money. "The numbers persuaded me into buying it." Ah Boh is always tempted to buy lottery.
I would like my readers to read the poem from my point of view of writing－spending money on lottery is not a good thing, it is a waste of money. I hope my readers would not misunderstand my poem. I looked up on how to use personification and asked my friends about it. I read the comments that my friends have given and edit my poem so it could become better.
I do not think my poem is very successful as most of my classmates did a better job but i have tried my best to write it. I think that my poem is not very specific, after reading it, i felt that it is lack of details. I feel that i did a good job at the ending. It ended quite well.
Poem 3
Friday, September 10, 2010 ‚óè 9:52 AM
Story based on the story "lottery"
even if i work as a domestic helper,
the household owner could see it.
She once asked me how much i had spend on Four-digits and Chap-Ji-Kee,
she was a police questioning a thief.
The look was as scary as a ghost.
I would always spend my money on lottery,
hopping that I would strike lottery some day.
I always have the temptation to buy lottery,
the numbers persuaded me into buying it.
My live depended on the gambling table,
the newspaper column announcing the results of races and draws.
I would even go to the extent where i would take numbers from cats and babies.
I will not let go of any chance.
Knowing that i am nowhere near my fulfillment,
I pray for help from my late husband, thinking that he will give me a sign.
I decided to visit my mother, but in the end,
i walked out weeping, hurt from her harsh words.
It is my life.
It has become an addiction to me.
Poem 2 (Individual Poem)
Thursday, September 9, 2010 ‚óè 12:16 PM
Construction WorkerThe sound of the alarm clock rang,
I woke up from my deep sleep,
a new day has arrived,
a new lease of hope.
The sound of my drill work people up from their sleep,
it was a busy day.
While people around was scurrying around the streets like mice,
I was working as hard as a ants.
Skipping lunch is my daily routine,
people were having their delicious, scrumptious lunch.
The sun had set before i knew it,
it's time for me to go home.
Dinner at home was normal,
just plain porridge with soya sauce.
I gobbled down my food as i was starving.
Tired, I slumber into deep sleep on the sofa.
A new day is waiting for me.
Poem 1 (Group Poem)
Wednesday, September 8, 2010 ‚óè 8:16 PM
Construction workerI know I am a minor
To most people in this world
Day by day,it is still the same;
Drilling deep into the ground,
Hammering nails into the wood,
Carrying loads on my back
My body sore due to the long working hours
Throughout the days.
Living in a "hotel"
Dirt,rubbish and rats.
Is what I see everyday.
The pungent smells mixed with sweat and garage,
Makes me just want to puke.
The sun is grazing towards the
Gloomy and filthy room,
But the light doesn't seem to penetrate
Through the darkness that cover over the room,
Giving a claustrophobic feeling.
Bathing,washing and drinking with tap water,
Sitting on the sofa with infested insects,
Sleeping in a bed shared by four.
Screeching sounds filled the room breaking the silence,
Giving out an eerie feeling,
Living in an room filled with polluted air.
The sun rises again,
I'm going to start the day again,
As a construction worker.
Towing my tired legs to work,
Ignoring the desire to sleep.
Labouring all day under the blazing sun,
Be it rain or shine,
I will be there for work.
As though the work of the sun is to make my work harder,
Not caring about the stares i got,
Just trying my best in what I do,
Taking pride in what I do.
Skipping my breakfast and lunch,
Is my daily routine.
Carrying the hunger to work,
I have to ignore my empty stomach.
The most I have is a sandwich and a coffee in the late evening,
Chatting with my friends.
Resuming work with my theraphy charged,
Slowly constructing a building out of nothing.
Time flies very fast,
Without knowing,
It's time to head back to the hostel and
Light off in the midnight.
Then,I start my whole working routine again,
Before the sun rises.
As a construction worker,
I always take pride in my work,
Cause the safety of the people living in the building,
Is in our hands.
But all the hard work,
Sweat and blood and effort that we put in,
Does anyone even appreciate it?
Does anyone in the society even recognize it?